A new stage in life

Haven’t blogged in a long time, but I think it’s pretty obvious I stopped voting in ISML. LOL. I’ll start again when I feel really bored and in need of something to occupy my life bah. But that probably won’t happen in awhile since I’m starting on a new stage in life.

Many many things happened in this period of time. But running long story short, I’ve come to a better understanding of the patterns in my thoughts/behaviours that led to vicious cycles of unhappiness in my life. So I’m revamping it. There are so many stages in my life where I become drastically different from the previous one, like one in from pri 6 to sec 1, one in sec 3, one in J1, then again in J2, and then there’s now. But this is the first that is so much more of a conscious effort.

I tried my best to solve whatever problems I was left with so that I can start this new life, but obviously they all crumbled within the past two days. But all is not lost. I don’t have to start over. Because it’s just a progression of things…and it made me understood why certain things happened in the past as well. So yes, I feel even happier today now that I’m fully able to release certain things that have been dragging me back in life.

Work at UWC has been good so far. The people are nice, and I like the atmosphere. Been really suay and fell sick once, sprained my ankle once…so skipped work a couple of times. But seeing that my contract is supposedly half day everyday and I’m putting in a full day’s of work everyday now, missing one or two days per week shouldn’t be penalised right?

So anyway, at work (and life) I’ve been learning a couple of lessons. I see with my own eyes (or maybe rather, own ears) on how women are disadvantaged at work. Heck all that talk about gender equality, but it remains a fact that women are disadvantaged when they choose to bear children and have a family. Honestly speaking, career doesn’t matter that much for me. I would gladly sacrifice career for love, but is it worth it? My close friends now are mostly guys, but so what? Past experience told me that guys change when they are involved with you romantically…or maybe they didn’t change. But you see a different side of them. It’s highly possible that it’s just the way I deal with things too. So the fact remains, I’m not suited for romantic love. It’s extremely reasonable for me to deduce that nothing good will ever come out of my future romantic endeavors so why waste the energy in falling in love. Well, it’s too late, I’ve already fallen in love, but I can limit the damage by not having new ones. At least at the current state I’ve already put in a certain amount of effort, time, emotional energy and what not. It’s this or none. And I’m honestly fine with none, since the alternative seems like nothing good as of now.

Let’s see, love aside, there is the general attitude towards people and friends. I still treasure sincerity, goodwill, trust, and all that is important to a friendship. But I realise just how one-sided I have been to believe in all that so wholeheartedly. I’ve neglected to protect myself and thus was vulnerable to hurt time and time again. So yes, that is one thing I shall take note of. I must say, friendships would still be extremely important to me for many years to come..

So with many things to revamp on…I’m going to do the things I like. Be happy. Look at Danny Choo. Such an inspiration, though obviously extremely zai. But who cares, I’ll try to be a less exaggerated version. I’ll do the things I like alright. And one more thing I realise….the thing about wanting to live in Japan? It has nothing to do with that person afterall. I do want it, except I never dared to, since I always felt so tied down to Singapore and my friends here. But nope, he initiated my liberation, and now it’s no longer about him. It’s about myself. I want a new life.

Aaron asked me if I actually want new friends or I’m happy as it is now. I told him I’m happy. Which is true. But I realise it’s not feasible. And new friends probably wouldn’t harm me. We’ll see how it goes. If anyone interests me enough. Or vice versa.

First Volunteer Session at the SAF

No, not the army. Singapore Arts Festival.

I really should get out of the habit of leaving blogging to the middle of the night. I should also make sure that now that I started to write here instead of blogger, I wouldn’t leave the designing undone and procrastinate. I will get a domain and hosting soon, and actually get down to designing. I just need a better platform now.

First and foremost, before I describe the events of the day (Friday), I should announce this. For record’s sake.
I got into NUS Architecture.
Actually, I got into NTU Economics too. But it doesn’t matter so much anymore once I got into NUS Architecture. Nothing matters, since Architecture is so darn cool. Even if people are telling me that Economics is the more practical choice. That Architecture is difficult to excel in. Or even that I don’t look like a future architect. That I should be a teacher.

As a matter of fact, I probably will be a teacher. When I’m 40-ish perhaps. Or even 50-ish. I’ll start my own kindergarten/pre-school/childcare. Or I’ll teach the lower primary.

Having cleared that out of the way..Volunteering for the Singapore Arts Festival was really fun. The people were really cool, and we found out that Yeu Shing (the volunteer management member of the Singapore Arts Fest team) is really my age. Hwch girl. We had Chelsea and Lisa who were both 21, Nicky and Agnes who were both 22, and then Yeu Shing and me who were both 19. Such great distribution huh?

So anyway, as with any other new activity, I didn’t know what to do initially. But took some time to familiarize myself with the booth, the programmes, and after some initial stoned conversations with some passer-bys (and scaring some others off according to Lisa), I think I pretty much got the hang of it. It helps that I like the concept of Strange.R in the first place, so I didn’t mind talking about it at all. Talking about the festival itself was easy once you learnt what questions to ask and what signs to look out for.

The day was pretty smooth in my opinion. Other than the random episodes of the overturning/flying umbrellas, and the heart attack we suffered when Lisa tries to take the “Guitar who inspires to be a camera” out to play…dropping lens, flash etc all over the place in the process of doing so….we pretty much just talked, and talked to strangers who seem interested. That and the complimentary road direction service that we provided.

I would write about the entire Strange.R concept, but I doubt I’d ever give it justice. So here’s a link for those interested:
http://whatdoyouwanttobestranger.com/

On my way home, I forgot about my plans to alight at Ang Mo Kio Station to 1)unbrick my PSP and 2)drop by X-Zone for some fun. All this because of a book. The Kite Runner. I haven’t read for so long..I forgot what reading is like. I’m semi-glad that my PSP bricked actually. Else I might procrastinate endlessly on reading The Kite Runner, and I shall never remember the joy of reading.

Shall finish the book and read something else. =) Perhaps, I’ll get out of the house and unbrick my PSP tomorrow. Get a new mouse so I can start learning how to play DOTA proper. Play some Jubeat.

Forget how retarded my behavior was and still is, and all the embarrassing secrets and confessions I have spilt just now.