Beauty Routines

So I have never applied a single mask in my life (till today), am noob at doing make up, and never bothered with beauty rituals like toner, moisturisers and such. Sammie nagged at me but I never bothered.

Today I went out to get masks. I have one on my face this very moment. Not to mention the shea butter body moisturiser all over my body.

Need to remember to add shaving my legs to my regime tomorrow. I’ll start that tomorrow.

I’m going to start taking care of myself. If I can’t take care of him now, I can at least take care of myself. It also helps me in loving myself I think. I’ll transfer all of my love for him to me for now. We’ll see if I get a chance to balance it back out after exams.

I guess it’s quite obvious from this that I’m not seeing him till after exams huh? At least he still smses me goodnights. That makes this a little more bearable.

Directions

I feel like recently I’ve been given so much guidance and signs. All of a sudden, I’m moving. Hopefully in the right direction, but I really do think it is the right direction.

Guidance in the sense that I’ve been enlightened by snippets of conversations with people around me. Such as the reminder by Aaron that I tend to spread myself thin, which I re-interpreted as not being focused, and I bet Aaron would probably agree. Then again today, Chinnapa mentioned something along the lines of embarking on something new while I was telling him vaguely of my troubles today.

The entrepreneur talk which I signed up on a whim inspired me to just start moving, no matter how small each step is, and keep moving. Just a few days ago, I decided that all salary earned through Scalebar (my job at the print shop in my faculty) shall go towards the capital for starting my business. And on Tuesday I was told that I will be appointed Finance and thus earn double pay.
(Edit: Oh, Tommy misled me with wrong info. Turns out it’s extra three hours of pay per week. But it’s still extra money.)

It feels right. I just need to keep trying and I will reach there somehow. I will become a better person. Leading a better life. Not going to be taken aback by little setbacks, but instead do everything I can to make them right then move forward. =)

Thank you God. I will love you in my own way. Must remember to read up on Swedenborgian. It really does sound promising.

A new stage in life

Haven’t blogged in a long time, but I think it’s pretty obvious I stopped voting in ISML. LOL. I’ll start again when I feel really bored and in need of something to occupy my life bah. But that probably won’t happen in awhile since I’m starting on a new stage in life.

Many many things happened in this period of time. But running long story short, I’ve come to a better understanding of the patterns in my thoughts/behaviours that led to vicious cycles of unhappiness in my life. So I’m revamping it. There are so many stages in my life where I become drastically different from the previous one, like one in from pri 6 to sec 1, one in sec 3, one in J1, then again in J2, and then there’s now. But this is the first that is so much more of a conscious effort.

I tried my best to solve whatever problems I was left with so that I can start this new life, but obviously they all crumbled within the past two days. But all is not lost. I don’t have to start over. Because it’s just a progression of things…and it made me understood why certain things happened in the past as well. So yes, I feel even happier today now that I’m fully able to release certain things that have been dragging me back in life.

Work at UWC has been good so far. The people are nice, and I like the atmosphere. Been really suay and fell sick once, sprained my ankle once…so skipped work a couple of times. But seeing that my contract is supposedly half day everyday and I’m putting in a full day’s of work everyday now, missing one or two days per week shouldn’t be penalised right?

So anyway, at work (and life) I’ve been learning a couple of lessons. I see with my own eyes (or maybe rather, own ears) on how women are disadvantaged at work. Heck all that talk about gender equality, but it remains a fact that women are disadvantaged when they choose to bear children and have a family. Honestly speaking, career doesn’t matter that much for me. I would gladly sacrifice career for love, but is it worth it? My close friends now are mostly guys, but so what? Past experience told me that guys change when they are involved with you romantically…or maybe they didn’t change. But you see a different side of them. It’s highly possible that it’s just the way I deal with things too. So the fact remains, I’m not suited for romantic love. It’s extremely reasonable for me to deduce that nothing good will ever come out of my future romantic endeavors so why waste the energy in falling in love. Well, it’s too late, I’ve already fallen in love, but I can limit the damage by not having new ones. At least at the current state I’ve already put in a certain amount of effort, time, emotional energy and what not. It’s this or none. And I’m honestly fine with none, since the alternative seems like nothing good as of now.

Let’s see, love aside, there is the general attitude towards people and friends. I still treasure sincerity, goodwill, trust, and all that is important to a friendship. But I realise just how one-sided I have been to believe in all that so wholeheartedly. I’ve neglected to protect myself and thus was vulnerable to hurt time and time again. So yes, that is one thing I shall take note of. I must say, friendships would still be extremely important to me for many years to come..

So with many things to revamp on…I’m going to do the things I like. Be happy. Look at Danny Choo. Such an inspiration, though obviously extremely zai. But who cares, I’ll try to be a less exaggerated version. I’ll do the things I like alright. And one more thing I realise….the thing about wanting to live in Japan? It has nothing to do with that person afterall. I do want it, except I never dared to, since I always felt so tied down to Singapore and my friends here. But nope, he initiated my liberation, and now it’s no longer about him. It’s about myself. I want a new life.

Aaron asked me if I actually want new friends or I’m happy as it is now. I told him I’m happy. Which is true. But I realise it’s not feasible. And new friends probably wouldn’t harm me. We’ll see how it goes. If anyone interests me enough. Or vice versa.